Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Bad Habits and A Perfect Little Girl

I have some self-esteem problems.
I rock at some things, like cooking, but other things give me some problems.
Want a list?  Baby weight, bushy eyebrows, complete lack of hand-eye coordination, complete lack of any athleticism, and a real problem with math.  I spend way too much time worrying about my weight and making stupid little comments on when I "feel pretty", or self-destructive comments about how I feel fat or feel stupid for not understanding why x and y belong in math.
My little girl, on the other hand?
She's perfect. 
Beautiful, strong, smart, and happy. 
She knows she is cute always says "thank you" when you tell her she is cute or beautiful. 
She is a little girl who loves her Hot Wheels cars and her first real necklace that she wore for Mommy and Daddy's wedding. 
I don't want to screw that up with my insecurities.  I don't want to pass my image and personality issues on to her.. 
I need to look at myself in a more positive light, stop criticizing myself so much.
How do I do this?  How do I shut up that little voice in my head?
Any advice from mommys who can offer any help?

Monday, July 29, 2013

*sigh of contentedness*

Is contentedness a word?
It is now.
After a year of tantrums and stubborness, it looks like Whimzy is potty trained!
We buckled down over the weekend and she went out for the first time today with big girl underwear and did not have an accident!
I know, that seems really boring, but I am super excited!  Now, we just need to work on overnight and buy her some more undies...
In other news, I have a new goal for exercise.  I am going to go on one walk a week for as long as the weather permits, and do yoga 4x a week.  It is not too strenuous and I am hoping that it will help with the anxiety issues.  I also restarted by diet and my goal is to stay around 1200 calories 4 days a week and under 2000 the other 3.  I also get 2 cheat meals a week that I am going to log, but I can't make myself feel guilty about them.
I actually feel pretty darn awesome right now. The weather is absolutely perfect with a nice cool breeze off of the lake and I just got back from going to the park with my family.  I cannot see how life could be any better in this moment. 
I have to hold onto this feeling for those moments when I don't feel so great and remember how lucky I am to have these small victories and little pleasures in life. 
I am going to go have a big salad and a big glass of lemon water.
Anybody have any tips for staying motivated for my exercise plan?

Monday, July 22, 2013

Husband Organization

You know how it is with husbands.
You tell him when you schedule something, a few days before the event, the night before, and then he acts surprised when you have to go to the event.
He claims you never told him, that you told him too much, or that you were obviously talking to him when he was too tired to comprehend.
You've bought him planners, put up a calendar, and still he seems confused when things are happening and seems irritated by the sudden plans that have been planned for weeks. 
Well, I got sick of it.  I got sick of my hubby claiming that I never told him things and sick of him getting to play the victim when we had stuff to do.
I did something about it.
Hence, my weekly planner frames that are up in a prominent place in my kitchen.  They are right on the side of my cabinets as you walk into my kitchen.  Also, I am in an apartment, so they do not damage anything too much or take too much DIY know-how. 
Ignore the mess on the counter :)
Close ups of each frame:

Okay, the first one has appointments, plans, and special dates for the week.  The second one has grocery list help and lets the family know what recipes I will be making for sure during the week.  They are really cheap to make.  I got the frames at the dollar store and made the sheets of paper myself.  I just use dry-erase markers on them and re-fill them out every Sunday afternoon and as the week goes on and changes need to be made.
Hubby no longer can complain that I spring plans on him.  He still acts confused sometimes, though ;)
I still have a planner that helps me organize thing in a more detailed fashion, but he never looks at that thing. 
Oh, and I swear my photography will get better, eventually.
Do you have something that helps keep the family on the same page?
Share in the comments!

Sunday, July 21, 2013

*Sigh of Relief*

Well, I made it through two weekends in a row of being social!
Somebody give me a round of applause and a cookie.
In reward, next weekend I get to be a hermit. 
Possibly a hermit with no pants watching Doctor Who.
To be fair, though, I had a good time this weekend.
Stood up in a beautiful wedding and ended up unexpectedly childless, so we decided to go out!  We went and saw a band, I danced with two amazing ladies, and I think may have some pictures on the bands facebook.
Ty wore bright colors and danced with me, then held me through the hangover this morning.  It was wonderful.  He was wonderful.  Then, I got to curl up on the couch for a nap with Whimzy. It was a perfect cure for my headache.
How did I get so lucky?
That being said, I am still really looking forward to my pantless Doctor Who watching next weekend. 
I also have huge plans to make up for my slacking last week.  My apartment is going to be spotless and I am spending an afternoon taking notes for school. 
Another thing, Neil Gaiman is fast crawling up my list of favorite authors.  Definitely check out his books and watch Stardust the movie.  Robert DeNiro as a gay, cross dressing pirate captain.  How can anything get better than that?   

Thursday, July 18, 2013

When Optimism and Caffeine Doesn't Work

First of all, thanks to whoever is reading, this blog is doing way better than my wedding blog!  Now, just start commenting ;)
I haven't posted in a bit.  I haven't done anything in a bit.  I've had a really, really bad week with my anxiety.  Two weekends in a row now, I'm planning on doing something that means I have to be out of my house for a good chunk of the day.  So, this week between the two events has been terrible.  Lots of anxiety, lots of doubt, lots of issues.  Poor hubby, he has helped pick up the cleaning slack and treats me like I'm "sick".  I suppose I am, but it doesn't seem fair.  It isn't fair to the people around me, including (and especially) my husband and daughter. 
I finally made the appointment for meds and talked to my therapist after a few month break because of issues with insurance coverage.  I have to wait 3 weeks for the meds appointment, but I have a therapist appointment set up for next Friday. 
Honestly, I kind of just want to cry.  I am sick of feeling like this.  I am sick of not being able to do all of the awesome things in my head (and Pinterest) because of "issues".  Every single aspect of my life suffers. 
I need to do better.  Not just for myself, but for the people around me.
I'm standing up in a wedding this weekend.  I am dreading it because it means a night and a day out of the house, out of my comfort zone.  I am being a bad friend because of it. 
I am going to take my meds properly, I am going to use my therapist correctly, and I am going to put my all into getting better.  I have to.  This is no longer an option for living. 
I welcome stories of people who have gone through this type of thing, who are currently going through this. 
Don't feel like sharing on here?
Email me:
Sharing helps.
You and me :)

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Took Me Long Enough

For anybody who has had social anxiety issues, the simple task of calling to set up an appointment can seem huge.  It can take weeks.
Well, I finally called and set up an appointment to see my doctor to either get on anxiety medication or get a referral to a psychiatrist. 
I called last Thursday, but it was the 4th of July, so they weren't open.  I'm assuming that was why I called.
We shall see...
On a lighter note, we finally got our new bedding set delivered.  1600 thread count sheets, satin pillow cases, new comforter... *sigh*
I waited up for Ty last night so we could crawl into bed together and lemme tell you, I will never buy a lower thread count sheet ever again.  It is heaven.  Since we bought cream colored sheets, though, I am demanding that Ty take a shower every night before he crawls into bed.  Warehouse dirt is not an accent color I want. 
It will take time to get our bedroom to a point where it is fully decorated, but I am hoping that these new sheets are a good starting point. 
We are going for a "pirate and mermaid move in together" motif.  I'm obviously the mermaid :D  We are also compromising, because if Ty got what he wanted, our room would look like a 10-year old boy decorated. 
So, here are the sheets:
Let me know what you think. And no, I didn't iron the comforter first.  I was lazy ;)  And please note the blue flowers.  The hubby got those for me over the weekend.  For absolutely no reason.  He is pretty wonderful.
Have any nifty bedroom decor themes? Share them in the comments!

Thursday, July 4, 2013

4 Hour Load of Laundry

I know, I should be out in the crowds watching fireworks and buying overpriced glow-sticks.
Eh.  Whimzy and I went out with my family last night to watch fireworks. It was quieter than my city's crowds and I got to spend some time with the family.
It was nice and that means I get to skip all the craziness by the lake today :)
But, that isn't what this post is about.
This post is about stupid people and laundry machines.
If you've lived in an apartment building, I'm sure you've gone through something similar. 
My building, which has 8 apartments, has one washer and one dryer.
The drying takes two rounds to fully dry a load.
I usually only do 1-2 loads at a time so I don't take up the entire day. 
Well, today, I had one load to do.  Whimzy needs socks and I need cleaning rags.  Well, I go down at 2:15, there is a load, done, in the washer.  At 3, it is still there.  At 3:30, the washer is running again.  So, finally at 4, I get my load in the washer.  I still haven't been able to put it in the dryer...
Makes my one load of laundry take like 4 hours to finish. 
Like I have nothing better to do than run up and down stairs checking when other people's laundry is done.
Okay, rant done.
Anybody else have any bad laundry room or laundromat stories?

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Organization and Procrastination

I took a "break" from cleaning. 
Mostly, I needed to stop and gather my sanity.
I just got done vacuuming up dirt from a flower pot.  Apparently, Whimzy thinks that dirt is nifty.  *sigh*
Well, since I guess I explained the procrastination part...
At the beginning of the year I started a "Family Binder" that was supposed to simplify housework, track expenses, and keep all of our important information in one place.  With the wedding and the craziness, the binder stalled.  And by stalled, I mean, nobody touched it for months.
I decided to try it again for the second part of the year. 
I spent the last month updating charts and information.  Since some of the charts I had used before were not quite what we needed, I edited them and tried to make them suit our needs better.  I also updated the rest of our info.
It has monthly/weekly to-do lists for me, Ty, and the household.  It also has monthly goals for me that I will update every month.  I am hoping that this sense of organization will help me be more organized and manage my time  better. Unlike some of my relatives (I'm looking at you Aunt Lori), details and organization do not come easily.  It is a struggle.  I am also hoping that in case of an emergency (fire, tornado, zombies, etc...) I can grab the binder and hope that everything we need is in it.  Also, in case I end up in a tragic coma or get bit by a rabid dog and die, Ty will then have all of our info in one place. 
So, one of my goals is to keep up with this binder and hopefully it will mean a cleaner apartment, a more organized paperwork system, and a less-stressed Cara. 
Well, back to the dirt....