Saturday, December 28, 2013

Out of Context

So, this is my first real attempt to broaden my reader base, so beware.
First of all, I have been listing blog ideas in my "idea/to-do/need to buy/need to remember" notebook.  I have some awesome ideas coming up for my readers :)

First of all, I have tried keeping journals for about the past decade. I have failed miserably.  They usually end up with about 20 entries spread out across at least a year.  Most of them just being updates that seem pointless reading them in hindsight.  
That being said, I do have a few gems that I jotted down in the last couple of years of quotes from Ty, Whimzy, or myself.

So, here are some random quotes, completely out of context and your job is to figure out what was going on at the time!  The best one gets a $10 Amazon gift card sent to them :)  Here is the catch, we have to have at least 10 submissions from separate users in the comments before I will judge :)  So, share this with your friends!
Here we go!

"That tooth's name is Tammy!" - Ty

"She is going to steal my soul!" - Ty

"Omg, you stole my feather sword!" - Ty

"I'm considering yelling 'SEX TOYS' to get attention" - Me

"Whimzy is growing a unicorn horn!" - Ty

"Here's to not having dreams about golf courses and priests!" - Me

"What does doing do?"  Whimzy

"So...Hitler was an alien?" - Ty

"You smell like a gas station, why are you 2 hours late?" - Me

"Did that toilet just sing?" - Ty

"Stop being toothy and vengeful!" - Ty

"You just put the fear of vagina into me" - Ty

"Well, that is what happens when you steal the Kraken's eggs!" - Cara

"I am a pirate, afraid of the ocean!" - Ty

"Octopi are my best friend!" - Whimzy

"I can't believe that I just cried over a golf-playing triceratops" - Cara

Let's do this!!!

Best situations that you think these quotes happened in, win!  
Hint:  I am looking for the feels or the laughs ;)

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Who Could've Known?

This post is specifically for 4 people.
My aunt, my uncle, my dad, and my sister.  
Over the weekend, Ty and I got to spend it together while the four of them took care of my daughter, fixed my car, and detailed it.
Whimzy had an amazing time, and now has a new best friend, Angie.
My dad played soccer with her, and she got to go shopping for a present for mommy and daddy (which she signed herself!).
Then, less than 24 hours after we got our newly cleaned and fixed car home, one of our belts blew. My uncle and aunt drove to pick my car up and he spent the entire evening fixing it, which included a freezing cold drive because the belt that blew controlled the heating.

Four years ago, I would have never thought that I would be in such a great relationship with any of them (except maybe Angie).  
We all went through some pretty terrible stuff and I didn't handle any of it well.  I was lost and scared, and despite everybody's best efforts, I couldn't seem to get past it.  Misunderstandings, lack of communication, and overall bad decisions on my part had, I thought, irreparably damaged my relationship with my family.  
Then, this weekend (and I have realized it before, but it really hit hard this weekend) I realized how much I really depend on them and how my life would be not nearly as amazing without them.  They give my daughter grandparents while my mom is incapable, and my dad is a great grandpa to her.  My holidays, big events, and everyday life all involves them somehow.  I look forward to seeing all of them, especially together.  I am constantly seeing things that remind me of each of them.  

There is no way that I will ever be able to re-pay them for the support that they have given me, or even the car cleaning/fixing that they did in the last week, but I really want them to know how much I love them, and how happy I am that I get to call them, and spend time with them.

My mom may not be able to be with me for everything, but I have an amazing aunt, uncle, and my Dad to fill that hole.  Not to mention my awesome little sister.  

I love you guys and I hope you understand how much I appreciate every one of you.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

A Rarity

As promised, here is an update on my life.
I got a job.  I am a barista for a few mornings a week at a local cafe.
I do customer service, take orders, short order cooking, make drinks, and cleaning (dishes, wiping tables, etc...).  And because of my availability and Ty's job, I work opening, which means I set the cafe up and all of that fun stuff.  It is a fast paced, but a social and fun job.  My manager and owner are pretty awesome and are very understanding of my anxiety issues, as well as excellent in the way they help me improve my performance.
It feels nice to have my own cash, and last week I got my first actual pay check in almost four years!  I am able to help out with Christmas, and I have major plans for a book nook in our bedroom with my extra money.  
Tips are super nice, too.  It means every day I work, I have some extra money in my wallet.  
It has been an uphill battle.  
I spent the first few weeks dreading going to work.  I didn't think I could do it. I felt weak and exhausted.  My feet hurt, my anxiety rocketed through the roof, and if I wasn't at work, I was incapable of anything because I was so worn down from the anxiety of being at work.
And, this is a job that I enjoy doing.  I rock at it.

Well, yesterday, I had an amazing day at work.
My feet didn't hurt quite so much, my anxiety didn't kick in, and I didn't come home and become useless.  I actually got quite a bit done when I got home.
My cash tips were higher than normal, and I had more positive interaction with some of the major regulars.

And now today, I got to sleep in (thanks to Ty), and I have kicked butt.  I even baked a cake!  Gonna frost it after I finish this and I'm sure that Whimzy has eaten enough dinner.  

It feels wonderful to feel productive and happy.  

The next few weeks are going to be very hectic, though.  Busy and little time to unwind from work, school, and being Mommy.  Also, today was probably my last day to sleep past 6:30 am for a few weeks.  And, sleeping in is one of my major sanity savers.  

I am cautiously excited that I found a perfect blend of vitamins and meds to get me through life right now, but I am also scared to death that this is a fluke and I am going to crash.  

On the plus side, I have some awesome blog ideas for you guys!  I hope to notch up my level of funny, because, let me tell you, I hear the craziest things at work!

I also plan on writing more, especially now that my life is a little bit more exciting and varied.  I hope that those of you that have been reading continue to read, and I hope that you tell your friends about me :)  It makes me feel special ;)

Until later, lovers!


Wednesday, November 27, 2013


Wow, it has been over a month since I posted.
A lot has happened since then.
But, that shall be for another post!

This post is about Thanksgiving, and all of the things that I am thankful for!
I am going to make a list, some will be serious and some will be the little things that keep me going everyday, despite the crazy inside my head.

1. First and foremost, my family.  This is divided into 4 separate parts.
A) Ty.  It has been almost exactly 6 months since I became Mrs. Ty Christensen, and every day he continues to amaze me.  I love him and appreciate him more every moment that passes. His sense of humor, his sense of pride, his love for us, his patience and acceptance.  I always thought that unconditional love was a myth, but he proves it true every time I screw up, every time I am weak, every time the crazy pokes out.
B) Whimzy.  She is so smart, and funny.  She lays on me, tells me how amazing I am, loves to read, is obsessed with moon, and wears the hat that Nana knitted for me way better than I ever did.  She lights up my world and gives me something to be better for.
C) The rest of my family.  My aunt and uncle, who are more like a Mom and Dad, the cousin, who I have chosen to call sister, my Dad, who I am so grateful to becoming closer to, and my mom, who still loves me, even though she can't always remember who I am.  I have a wonderful support system, and am so, so thankful for it.
D) My new family.  I am Christensen now.  I have a whole other side of a family to call my own.  I have two new brothers, and a new sister!  Not to mention a gaggle of cousins and aunts and uncles!  (Like really, ALOT!!!) I have nephews, who are as old as I am. lol.  I have a mother-in-law that we are trying to mend fences with, and quite a few other people that I am now related to that I am thankful for (Uncle Randy, Auntie Nancy, Shana).  

2.  I am thankful for my friends.  Friends close enough that I consider them family.  It is a short list, but it is an important list.  They helped shape me into who I am today.  And everyday, they amaze me.  From borrowing my toilet seat, to being my go-to person for book recommendations, to my friend that I stay up with until 1 am just talking, to my friend that has been there through everything and still helps me take care of my mom.  Not to mention my guy friends, my absolutely awesome guys that listen to my ranting and raving when Ty is at work.  I can really only think of  Kyle, Eric, JR, Brad, and Patrick.   You all make me a better person, and I look forward to sharing the rest of my triumphs and failures with you.  And let's be honest, the failures are usually more amusing than the triumphs, because when I fail, I do it in an epic fashion.
Also, friends of the family that I am thankful for everyday!  Joan & family, the Telohs, Cheryl Wood McCoy...jeez...there are a bunch :)

3.  I am thankful for my job.  No, scratch that, I am thankful that I am able to work.  Not just because of the economy, but because I had some serious doubts that I was capable of it.  I applied to one place and got in.  Not too shabby.  I am still adjusting, and it may take some time, but I'm doing okay with it.  Also, I have extra money now!  I get to make the apartment nicer, spoil Whimzy, and after Christmas, I am building myself a mini-reading nook!  All because of my job!

4. I am thankful for Doctor Who, and the fandom surrounding it.  I enjoy being a fangirl :)

5. I am thankful for my talents, which include the ability to fake being perky, cooking, reading, and cuddling. And yes, cuddling is a talent.

6.  I am thankful for my abundance of pillows, including my Ninja Turtle pillow that only gets brought out when he is really needed.

7.  I am thankful for onion rings and coke floats.

8.  I am thankful for my couch.  It is so darn comfy.

9.  I am thankful for my Doctor Who socks, they help me take on the world.

10.  I am thankful for my therapist and psychiatrist.  They are helping me become stronger, for myself. They are helping me realize my potential and showing me that I am worth something.

11.  I am thankful to all of my authors.  They take me away, give me mini-vacations, and help me deal with reality by replacing my own with theirs for a short period of time.  

12.  I am thankful for Netflix and Hulu.  They help keep me sane.

13. I am thankful for my apartment.  It is often messy, but it is ours.  It reflects who we are as a family and we are a pretty awesome family ;)

14.  I am thankful for the ladies who wax my eyebrows.  'Nuff said.

15.  I am thankful for good smells, whether it is Whimzy's hair after a bath, wood burning, something good cooking, or a candle, good smells make me happy.

16.  I am thankful to the wonderful lady bloggers who share their struggles and their good days with the rest of us.  Especially Hyperbole and a Half and the Bloggess.  Both of these ladies have made a tremendous impact in my life.  Not only do they help me, but they help me explain my issues to people around me.  My dad does not quite understand, he is trying, but he doesn't understand.  Using these ladies, I am able to articulate and show him what it is like better.  They inspire me, and they make me feel less alone and less crazy.  

17.  I am thankful for school.  Lately, I've been slacking, but I'm going at it gung-ho for this class and getting my mojo back.  

18.  I am thankful for the memories that everybody in my life (past and present) has given me.  From Nana and Papa, to old friends, they have helped shape my world and my perspectives.  

19.  I am thankful for stability.  My life is stable.  I love it.

20.  I am thankful for cute and fuzzy things.  

21.  I am thankful for acceptance that I have from the people who know me the best.

Okay, well I am sure there is more, but these are the major things!! 

What are you thankful for?  Silly or serious :)

Monday, October 21, 2013

In Response to Some Inspiration

I regularly read a blog by "The Bloggess".  She is a wonderful writer, funny, and has some issues of her own.  She often inspires me and makes me feel not so alone. 

Well, one of her blogs recently made me want to reply and comment to it, but I didn't think I had enough room in the comment box, so I am going to write on here and post the link to her comment box. 

So, here is the post:

Read it before you proceed.  

But in case you don't...
Basically, the post is about how no matter how much she accomplishes she always feels inadequate.  Compliments make her feel terrible because she feels like she is an impostor.  This is coming from a New York Time's Best Selling Author, an author of one the most popular female blogs, and a general inspiration to probably thousands of people.  

She asks the question "Is It Just Me?"

I am going to tell her, through this, that it isn't.

I feel like that all of the time.
Granted, I am not as accomplished as she is, but I have made some difficult strides in the past few years.
My daughter is smart, I make decent grades in school, I am a great cook, I cultured some amazing relationships, and I bagged a pretty great husband.  I earned my first degree last year, and hopefully should have my BS by the end of next year.  

Last night, I couldn't sleep.  Despite my anxiety meds and some Valerian to help me sleep, I laid in bed for 3 hours, in the dark, doing nothing but thinking.  In fact, I felt downright woozy.  My thoughts were going in circles and I just couldn't shut it off.
So, finally, 3 hours later, I got up to do homework.  I figured even if I was drugged, I should get something done.  And it is usually at about this time that I come up with all of the awesome stuff that I am going to do the next day, and make plans for the next few weeks.  
This is a brief summary of my thought process last night:

I really want french toast!  I am going to make french toast in the morning.  I am going to text Ty and ask him to grab me some energy stuff to take first thing in the morning and do the dishes and then make french toast.  Good moms do crafts, too!   Maybe I should set up a craft for Whimzy, because good moms do crafts.  Ooh, and I need to finish all of my library books!  Maybe I'll stay up late all week and do just that.  I should set up a cleaning schedule, too.  I mean, one for just this week.  The apartment is messy.  I need to clean it.  And I have to make that soup that I bought stuff for.  I have to go see my mom, too.  Get on that more.  That essay is due tomorrow, too!  And Whimzy needs more snacks for school.  I will do dishes, make french toast, get Whimzy ready for school, get her to school, stop at the store, then come home and cuddle Ty for a bit.  Then write my essay, make dinner, do dishes again, put Whimzy to bed, and read until Ty gets home from darts!  It will be an epic day and I will feel amazing and this will be the start of a new life!

So, there were my thoughts from last night.  

Guess what happened?  Well, Whimzy did get to school, and I do have pants on.  That is a decent day for me lately.  I'm also using this to procrastinate writing my essay.  It will get done, but right now my brain does not feel like performing a job analysis or well...doing much more than being introspective and cuddling.  I will probably make dinner, too.  I have to feed Whimzy.  If it wasn't for her, I'd probably just skip it, but that would be neglect.

I am also in the beginning stages of getting meds straight, so I know my days will get better, but no, Bloggess, you are not alone.  
I should have had a my BS years ago, I should be a better mom, I should be better at this domestic stuff, and I should....  
This list could go on.  And yes, I feel guilty about it all.  I cry because of it.  

Damn crafts.
Good moms do crafts...

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Chin Up Buttercup

I have spent the last few days emotional and a bit out of it.
The higher dosage of my meds made me a bit flighty, or as my uncle put it, I seemed "high and drunk". 
Well, it seems to have evened out and am feeling a little bit more stable and less crazy.
I feel a little bit more motivated to get things done.
I feel like I can do this.
I also want to cry, a lot.
My therapist appointment actually had me crying because I had to face some things that have happened in my life that I have not even spoken about since they happened.  That was the first time I felt like I had really had a purpose in therapy.  So, because of the progress, my therapy is going to be upped to once a week until I start feeling like I am not going to drown in a pool of despair.  
I have a Halloween party this week, a child friendly one with good friends, and I am not that nervous.  A couple months ago I would have been terrified.  I see that as progress.
My psychiatrist also asked me to pick one goal for my life to make several aspects of my life better.  I chose cooking.  I haven't been cooking.  I missed it, but haven't made any attempts lately to do anything that didn't come out of a box.  So, this weekend I have a soup and a cookie recipe that I am going to do.   I also have a dip recipe for the party :)
I am moving forward, and in a deep way.  A way that means that I might be healing some wounds that have festered and keep causing me issues.
As a psych major, I am working towards becoming more psychologically healthy and now that I know exactly what that means, I think I can do it, eventually.

I love everybody that has been there for me, through the good and the bad.  And trust me, there was a lot of bad.  I hope that the better I get, the more I can make the people who stood by me proud of who I am becoming.  
I am so lucky that I have my husband, family, and friends who have been here and have accepted me and my issues. 

Okay, off to catch up on some homework and dive back into my school stuff! 
Life is good, and I am going to enjoy it, despite the lipgloss art in the bathroom that I am dreading cleaning up.  Thank you, Whimzy for that....

Thursday, October 10, 2013

My Road To Recovery: Both Vaginally and Psychologically

Let's start this out with a rant.
My chemical burns are pretty much gone.  
My nether regions should feel awesome, right?
Due to the antibiotics from the burns, I have a pretty severe (my gyno actually got me a prescription because she didn't think an OTC medication would work) yeast infection.  Not nearly as painful, but way more itchy.  So, no sex for another at least nights and yeah...
My vagina hates me.  

In other, in less TMI news, I just had an appointment with my psychiatrist.
I think it was the best appointment I have ever had with a psychiatrist.
Not only did she explain my medication change to me, but she offered behavioral tips to me and advice on what I should talk to my therapist about.
She explained my behavior and emotions to me without making me feel like I have done something wrong and like it was something that I could fix. 
Basically, my anxiety has been getting better, but because I am not constantly dealing with my anxiety, my depression has taken center stage.  She also thinks that I am too hard on myself, that I have lots of unresolved emotions and sadness, and that I need to work that out before I can move forward psychologically and emotionally.
It makes sense.
So, I have a slightly better plan, higher dosage of meds, and a little more hope than I had this morning.  

I also have anti-itch cream that I didn't have this morning, but we aren't going to discuss that anymore. 

I feel a little less broken than I did this morning.
It is refreshing and I hope that I can keep it up.

Also, completely unrelated, my husband is actually dusting our ceiling fan right now.  I had been informed before I left earlier that he would probably be passed out when I got home.  Then, I got home and he was cleaning.  He's done dishes, tidied, washed the kitchen floor, vacuumed, straightened the living room, and is now dusting the fan.  I'm not sure what has gotten into him, but I like it! 

Monday, October 7, 2013

I've Snapped Like A Bad Glow-Stick

First off, for those of you who may have been worried, my burned nether regions are healing nicely.   Should survive with no lasting damage.
I was going to follow up last week, but when you have a burned vagina, all you can think about is your burned vagina and how if you don't move, you may not have to swear at your burned vagina again.
So, since I figured you guys didn't want to hear a whole post about it, I refrained from posting.  It was difficult.  I really needed to vent.  Mostly I called my friends and laughed about it.
So, I had the most boring weekend EVER.  I was finally feeling a little bit better and after cleaning out my mom's nursing home closet and going back to my gyno for my yearly on Friday, I figured we could do something fun on Saturday.  Mostly, I didn't want the highlights of my weekend to be the gynecologist.  
The hubby gets stomach flu.  So, we did absolutely nothing all weekend.
Then, out of nowhere, last night I get a fever.  I don't know how bad it was because my lovely little girl hid the thermometer on us, but it was very uncomfortable, hot, and shivery all at the same time.  
I feel like I'm drugs.  I just sat here and laughed til I cried over not noticing a hat next to me. Like, Ty asked me for his hat, I told him I didn't know where it was and he pointed next to me, and I started giggling so hard I couldn't throw him the damn hat.  I feel all floaty.  Yes, damn it, it is a word.  There is no other word than floaty that describes how I feel. 

So, I am pretty sure I've snapped.
Tonight, Ty is going to get home and I am going to be sitting on the kitchen floor giggling and talking to a head of lettuce.  I mean, this is better than snapping and murdering my whole family and as of right now I am able to form full sentences, but still disconcerting.  


I should enjoy feeling floaty, it is much better than feeling like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.  

Friday, September 27, 2013

TMI Post, but still pretty hilarious.

I just got back from my gynecologist.
After about a week of slight pain and 2 days of extreme pain and my imagination going wild, I finally made a doctor's appointment.  
I chemically burned my va-jay-jay.  
With Nair.
Disclaimer:  I have used Nair before.  I have never had any issues before.  
New disclaimer:  I threw the bottle away.
I had such bad things going through my head; staph infections, MRSA, subaceous name it, I was worried.

I never thought I'd be so happy to be chemically burned.  Well, with prescriptions for a cream and an antibiotic, I am feeling super great that my vagina is not broken, just chemically burned.

I don't think they make a get well card for this...

The pain we go through to be "beautiful".  


Anybody else have terrible Nair stories?  

Thursday, September 19, 2013

On A Lighter Note: Can't Sleep Ramblings

I have a ton to do tomorrow.  Mostly running around to various places and being social.  Bleh.
Aaannd....I can't sleep.  
My brain won't shut down.
It just keeps going in circles.  
I got up to get some ice water and it occurred to me that the fact that I have ice all of the time makes me feel responsible.  When we lived above the bar, I never refilled the ice trays and cursed when we didn't have any ice.  Granted, Ty would just run and get ice from downstairs, but still....  I mean, I even use hot water to make the ice cubes clear.  Why does that work?  Anybody?
Also, I lamented at the state of my silverware divider today.  That made me feel old.  Since when is cleaning a silverware divider a thing?  And how did so many crumbs get into the drawer?  I need to know these things.
And I think I forgot to eat dinner.   Whimzy ate, but I didn't.  Pretty sure I only ate lunch today.  
I finished my entire to-do list today and got to spend a good chunk of time cuddling with my lil girl.  I also found out she has imaginary friends today.  I love it!  Ty is demanding we get her some real friends outside of school.  Which means playdates. Interesting.  We have a family picnic for Whimzy's school tomorrow, maybe I shall reach out to a fellow Mom.  She does really seem to hang out with a little boy with minion shoes.  
See?  My brain....make it stop.
Also, I am expecting a cute hat wearing, kazoo playing, chipmunk from Ty at some point in the near future.  He basically promised me.  I will upload videos.
And guess what!?  Torchwood is on Hulu now!  WOOHOO!  I found out and giggled a bit maniacally earlier.  I want John Barrowman's babies.  
Oh, and besides imaginary friends, my little girl eats imaginary bugs.  No clue.  Okay, I am going to try this sleep thing again.  If it refuses to work, I am going to read until one of two things happens: 1)Ty gets home and cuddles me (which always seems to help me sleep better) or 2) I finish the book in a fit of mania and collapse with exhaustion with the input of knowledge from a different world. I obviously will be reading fiction.
On that note, I don't think I am going to make my goal of reading 4 books this week.  Haven't even finished one yet.  Life gets in the way of what I really want to be doing. I do get JQ Foxes' food tomorrow, though...yummy....
Gosh darn it!  Not only can I not stop thinking, I can't stop typing, either!  

Okay, well....
Good night before some more random thoughts magically pop from my brain down to my fingers.  

Sweet dreams!  

My Happily Ever After

Wedding pictures!
I need to start this post with why I have my happily ever after.
I know, alot of my posts lately have been about my anxiety, and how I feel like I could be in a better place emotionally.
I can be hard person to love.
I can be damaged, I make bad decisions, I can be impulsive, I can be emotional, I can be kinda' hermit-y, I can be irrational, and above all I can push people away very well.
Four and a half years ago I was nothing.  I was struggling with every aspect of life.  I couldn't keep a job, I was living out of my family's basement with no car of my own.  I was drinking too much and had no handle on myself.  I cried more often than I didn't and I did everything in my power to not have to be in my own head.  
Then I met Ty.  It took me awhile, but he gave me some stability and patience to figure stuff out myself.  He never pushed, he never made me feel like I was a waste of potential.  He just let me take steps on my own, supporting me in every decision I made.  Even if they were the wrong decisions, he was there to catch me when I fell. He encouraged me having my own small business that I actually did pretty well in and he encouraged me going back to school for something that I had never even considered before.  
Even when I did things that should have made him hate me, or at least want me out of his life, he just hugged me and told me how much he loved me.  
He constantly told me how proud he was of me, and he still does.  He  provides for our family while I struggle with my anxiety.  He lets me buy books and never, ever claims it is "his money".  He gets along with my family and friends.  He is a great, if not the best ever, Dad.  
Four and a half years ago, I was a different person.  I owe my new, stable, amazing life to Ty.  He was patient and understanding with every misstep that I took, and occasionally still take. 
I am crying while I write this because sometimes I don't think I deserve such an amazing person loving me. 
But, I know deep, deep in my soul that I love him.  I love everything about him, even the things that I don't like (like his fascination with Will Farrell and the way he eats spaghetti).  I love the way that I feel when I curl up to him, I love the way that he makes me laugh, I love the way he puts me and Whimzy first, above everything.  I love the way he wears bright colors and doesn't mind wearing a pony shirt because Whimzy likes it.  I love how he never  questions when I have to spend money on my mom, or time with her.  I love how he comes with me and never, ever complains about being there.  I love that we can watch terrible movies and laugh about them together.  I love that he does dishes.  I love that he indulges my more reasonable whims and thinks I am cute for them.  Geez, I could go on forever.  We have been through so much together, so many things that should have torn us apart.  And yet, here we are, with me hugging him good-bye for work and crying because I love him so much.  

So, as promised, wedding pictures!
My photographer, Stephanie Juga, Sealed W/ a Kiss Photography.
(All pictures are trademarked to her!)
She is amazing and I recommend her for any of your photo needs!  She has done my wedding, a set of Christmas pictures, and our engagement pictures.  She is a ton of fun, really prompt with getting pictures back to you, and is just all around great!

All of the bridesmaids wore the other half of the best friend necklaces!

My little girl :)

We got to ride golf carts back to the photo spot!

Me, being adored ;)

Aren't they pretty?

My maid of honor/sister and my hubby!

Me and my ladies!

My other soul mate <3

I got loved all over the place!

He looks way too happy with this.

My dress!

This is the one going in our engraved frame!

Me finding out he is a  Possibly my favorite picture of the whole wedding.

My uncle and Mom.

Us and my Jagee (grandpa)

Our unity ceremony!  We made whiskey.  It will be aged just in time for our one-year anniversary.

The basic gist of my colors!  

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Yes, I Have A Confession

I have a confession.
I really hope that fellow mothers and college students, or both, can relate.
 My apartment is messy right now.
I have no immediate plans to clean it.
The dishes need to be done, I need to catch up on laundry, floors need to be scrubbed, toys need to be picked up, surfaces need to be dusted, carpets need to be vacuumed, various areas need to be decluttered, the AC in my bedroom needs its filter cleaned, I need to update my filing system, my storage needs to be organized, and the list goes on....
Unfortunately, I have a lot going on taking care of my mom (fighting her nursing home to get POA), my daughter just started school, I have 2 essays, a matrix, and a group project due this week, and I got to spend some time with my family while we helped each other out (I got to do laundry, borrow a vehicle, and I helped them with my grandpa and cooked them dinner).  
So, no, if you come over right now, I will not be proud of my living space.  I will be a bit ashamed, and wish that I was a better housewife and blah, blah, blah....
It does mess with my concept of what I should be doing, and it does mess me with me all around.  
This morning, I took 20 minutes to cuddle my daughter before we got ready for school.  I took a 15 minute break from school to do this and catch up on some FB stuff.  
Priorities, I guess.
Not to mention, I am still dealing with psychological changes from starting meds.  It is still a roller coaster.  

So, my apartment is going to stay messy, for now.  
I am going to focus on school, family, and my mental health.
Hopefully, I will get some teamwork going on this weekend with my husband and it will all get done.  

Any others out there dealing with an overload and wishing you had a maid?
Share your stories and vent your frustration!

P.S.  Wedding pics are coming! I got permission from the photographer!  <3 
Her info will be included with the pics.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

My Pride and Joy

So, I could go on about how my meds have been affecting me, or how I've been feeling about myself lately, but I've written enough of those posts lately.  Nobody wants to read a constant pity party.  

Tomorrow, my little girl starts her second year of 4-K.  She will end up having 2.5 years of 4-K because of some difficulty she has had with speech.
She is so excited.  She has been asking to go back to school for at least 2 months now.  
Since her last day of school, her speech has gotten so much better, her hair has grown out, and she has lost a little bit of her baby-face.  Her teachers have even noticed during our open house and home visit.  
She is growing up, and she is the most amazing little girl, at least to me.
She is going through a "stubborn" (and I mean she pushes my buttons until I consider locking her in a closet and drinking my brains out, which I would never actually do, obviously) stage, but she still gives me so many moments that I am so glad that she is in my life; so many moments that make me want to grab her and never let her go.  
I sometimes question my parenting skills, and if I am going to pass on any of my issues onto her, but then she hugs me, and says "I lub you" then explains to me why she couldn't possibly pick up her own mess.  
Between me and her beyond amazing father, we are doing okay, and I am excited for her to get back out into the world tomorrow.  It would be selfish to keep her to myself.

Btw, I will have some wedding pics up soon, as well as some recipes (think Oreo cheesecake stuffed chocolate cupcakes) with pictures!  So keep checking back :)  

Friday, August 30, 2013

Roller Coaster

Right now, I want to cry.
I want to go curl up in bed and pretend the world does not exist for awhile.
Absolutely no reason.
My chest hurts, my stomach hurts, and I feel like I am being crushed to death by my own expectations.
I cooked, I baked, I shopped, I did things today that should have made me happy.
They didn't. 
It makes me feel broken.
Why can't I just enjoy life?
This morning, when I got up to run errands, I felt like I could take on the world.
Then, I crashed. 
No warning.
I know, I just need to wait for the meds to even out.  My brain chemicals are all wonky and need to settle down.  I'll feel better, then. 
Just not having an optimistic day, I guess. 
I know it hurts and frustrates my hubby to see me like this and I don't know how to not be like this. 
Well, I have to go do homework.
Wish me luck that this ride doesn't take another downward slide.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Progress Notes

It has been a week since I started my antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds.
I have to admit, last week was hell on wheels.
I felt like a zombie, to the point that if I had pants on, it was a good day.
Apartment was trashed, Whimzy had convenience food way more than I care to admit, and I could barely keep my eyes open. 
Today, though, despite some personal and financial setbacks in my life, I feel wonderful. I got most of my to-do list done and I finished a book. It could be a fluke.  It probably is a fluke.  I am holding out hope, though. This is the first time in my life that I haven't been in the middle of a crisis and trying to take meds.  Also, this is the first time that I am taking them correctly.
I am desperately hoping that these medications will help even me out now that my life has evened out a bit. 
I'll write how I feel throughout this journey and hope that it reaches somebody that needs it and hope that it helps me through it, too.
Let's see...other than being a zombie for a week, not much has happened.
I am holding out, though, I have a couple of recipes that I want to put on here soon.  I may have gone on a crescent roll kick.
Ty has been wonderful through this.  He has been understanding and helpful and has let me be lazy and encouraged the moments that I felt motivated to do something.  I don't know what I would do without him. 
Now, I am going to go get rid of a terrible case of the hiccups somehow (any tips?) and relax for a bit before bed.  

Monday, August 12, 2013

Good-Bye Day Drinking

What a day.
So much is changing, so much is progressing.
I had my psychiatric appointment today.
Despite my best efforts, I could not fight my anxiety demons alone and enlisted help from medications that will alter my brain chemistry.
Seems dramatic, but trust me, my brain could use some re-wiring.
It was harder than I thought it would be.
Turns out, it is a lot harder to admit defeat to someone I only met a few minutes ago than it is to my family, or even a faceless blog audience.
I cried, a lot.  I also made a terrible joke about loving waterproof mascara because it helps hide my crazy.
Oops.  Still love waterproof mascara, though.
So, tonight, I have my last sip of alcohol for a long while and contemplate what I will do with myself when I reach normal functioning level.
Just in case altering my brain chemistry isn’t enough for one day, though, my lil Whimzy pooped in the potty for the first time!  Which she then directly neutralized by getting into my make-up and getting lip stain all over herself.  That stuff shouldn’t stay on for too long, right? Make-up remover wipes and elbow grease didn’t cut it, so I guess I have to deal with it until it comes off. 
So, here is hoping that changes are positive steps forward! 

I mean, pooping on a  potty is always a step forward, but I dread what new complications can arise from this.  Poop in the sink? God, I can't even contemplate this right now.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Bad Habits and A Perfect Little Girl

I have some self-esteem problems.
I rock at some things, like cooking, but other things give me some problems.
Want a list?  Baby weight, bushy eyebrows, complete lack of hand-eye coordination, complete lack of any athleticism, and a real problem with math.  I spend way too much time worrying about my weight and making stupid little comments on when I "feel pretty", or self-destructive comments about how I feel fat or feel stupid for not understanding why x and y belong in math.
My little girl, on the other hand?
She's perfect. 
Beautiful, strong, smart, and happy. 
She knows she is cute always says "thank you" when you tell her she is cute or beautiful. 
She is a little girl who loves her Hot Wheels cars and her first real necklace that she wore for Mommy and Daddy's wedding. 
I don't want to screw that up with my insecurities.  I don't want to pass my image and personality issues on to her.. 
I need to look at myself in a more positive light, stop criticizing myself so much.
How do I do this?  How do I shut up that little voice in my head?
Any advice from mommys who can offer any help?

Monday, July 29, 2013

*sigh of contentedness*

Is contentedness a word?
It is now.
After a year of tantrums and stubborness, it looks like Whimzy is potty trained!
We buckled down over the weekend and she went out for the first time today with big girl underwear and did not have an accident!
I know, that seems really boring, but I am super excited!  Now, we just need to work on overnight and buy her some more undies...
In other news, I have a new goal for exercise.  I am going to go on one walk a week for as long as the weather permits, and do yoga 4x a week.  It is not too strenuous and I am hoping that it will help with the anxiety issues.  I also restarted by diet and my goal is to stay around 1200 calories 4 days a week and under 2000 the other 3.  I also get 2 cheat meals a week that I am going to log, but I can't make myself feel guilty about them.
I actually feel pretty darn awesome right now. The weather is absolutely perfect with a nice cool breeze off of the lake and I just got back from going to the park with my family.  I cannot see how life could be any better in this moment. 
I have to hold onto this feeling for those moments when I don't feel so great and remember how lucky I am to have these small victories and little pleasures in life. 
I am going to go have a big salad and a big glass of lemon water.
Anybody have any tips for staying motivated for my exercise plan?

Monday, July 22, 2013

Husband Organization

You know how it is with husbands.
You tell him when you schedule something, a few days before the event, the night before, and then he acts surprised when you have to go to the event.
He claims you never told him, that you told him too much, or that you were obviously talking to him when he was too tired to comprehend.
You've bought him planners, put up a calendar, and still he seems confused when things are happening and seems irritated by the sudden plans that have been planned for weeks. 
Well, I got sick of it.  I got sick of my hubby claiming that I never told him things and sick of him getting to play the victim when we had stuff to do.
I did something about it.
Hence, my weekly planner frames that are up in a prominent place in my kitchen.  They are right on the side of my cabinets as you walk into my kitchen.  Also, I am in an apartment, so they do not damage anything too much or take too much DIY know-how. 
Ignore the mess on the counter :)
Close ups of each frame:

Okay, the first one has appointments, plans, and special dates for the week.  The second one has grocery list help and lets the family know what recipes I will be making for sure during the week.  They are really cheap to make.  I got the frames at the dollar store and made the sheets of paper myself.  I just use dry-erase markers on them and re-fill them out every Sunday afternoon and as the week goes on and changes need to be made.
Hubby no longer can complain that I spring plans on him.  He still acts confused sometimes, though ;)
I still have a planner that helps me organize thing in a more detailed fashion, but he never looks at that thing. 
Oh, and I swear my photography will get better, eventually.
Do you have something that helps keep the family on the same page?
Share in the comments!